How now brown cow chocolate wine

John Wine Snob says:

Don’t do it!!! You have too much to live for!!! That is why I am here – to try it so you do not have to. What am I talking about? Something called How Now Brown Cow.

It is udderly disgusting. I bought this thing for $8.99 and asked the cashier at Total Wine if he knew anything about it. I asked, “Is it disgusting?” He said diplomatically, “People buy it and say they like it.”  I knew better even before I put the bottle in my cart, but something abut the idiocy of the bottle and the absurd idea of Chocolate and wine together in the same bottle intrigued my sense of the ridiculous.

This thing is made in Florida somewhere. The bottle says premium grape wine with natural chocolate and cream flavors. ‘Nuff said? I poured a glass and could not finish it. Not only that I made sure that I had it on the night before garbage day. I even threw my wine glass away…in the neighbor’s receptacle. I would not even taint my own garbage can with this concoction. You can thank me for taking the hit for you.

32 responses to “How now brown cow chocolate wine

  1. Some things are better left unmixed!

    • I walked by the How Now Brown Cow display several times at Total Wines and thought how disgusting – and I am not even a wine snob – but assumed it would be overly sweet. I love chocolate (dark chocolate) and I love wine – but mixed into a drink seemed to be a bad idea.
      However, when buying a cartful of booze for our halloween party one of the employees had me try different drinks including the Brown Cow chocolate wines – hated the raspberry (too sweet for me), chocolate was good and the chocolate expresso was wonderfull!! – and not too sweet (I prefer it chilled and/or over ice). I bought two bottles each of the chocolate and chocolate expresso home for my family (to try) and the party if I still liked it once at home… my family staying at my house and I finished two bottles the evening before the party. The night of the party my family hid the other two bottles from our other guests…. they wanted to save it for ‘us’ later! It is that good.
      Other chocolate wines I later tried – have not been up to the standard of the Brown Cow Chocolate Expresso wine…. give it a try. It makes a great dessert wine over ice or ice cream…. yummy.

  2. To each its own. I would have taken the rest of the bottle. This wine is awesome. If you are a Kahula or coffee fan, this is delicious.

    • So true. I mixed mine with egg nog during the holidays and loved it. I even like it straight too. I like Kailua and coffee too. And, I love Pomerol, Merlot, Savignon Blanc, to name a few. Everyone has a different palette.

  3. Love this wine! What good woman doesn’t love a little Chocolate with her wine! Chocovin is flying off the shelves, but this one is much better!

  4. This wine is delicious! It tastes like a mudslide. If you are a Kahlua fan, you will find this super tasty. It’s like chocolate milk that gets you drunk!;P

  5. This guy is a D-bag. Brown Cow is delicious, and I have a glass of it every night. Reminds me of a white Russian. The flavors are terrific together. Smooth and creamy. But of course, what would one expect from a reviewer who can’t tell the difference between the word “think” and “thing.”

    Maybe John Wine Snob should drink less before writing–or at least learn to proofread!

  6. Love it, just bought 2 bottles today, one in raspberry.

  7. jeffwinesnob is just that!! We have been wine drinkers for over fifty years, and even produced 200 gallons per year for several years. We also have been members of of a wine club for over forty years and have tasted many, many fine wines. This was pleasant after-dinner drink-especially if one likes chocolate.

  8. My friends and I love this stuff. The chocolate espresso is even better. I like it over ice. It’s a little too rich to just have in a wine glass by itself. A yummy treat for sure!

  9. OH, YES YES … delicious … not a fake chocolate flavoring, but a true chocolate indulgence. Not bad with a splash of Bombay Gin, either. Gives it a little “kick.”

  10. Robert Weatherly

    Don’t listen to anything this clown says. The chocolate espresso was delicious!!! It’s like dessert in a bottle!

  11. I live in Buffalo NY and have looked all over for the wine. I came across it in Naples, FL. and love it. The different choc. raspberry wines that I have tried locally aren’t anywhere near the flavor of Brown Cow. I hope I can order it on line.

  12. I’m with ShopGirl — skeptical about mis-spellers! I’ve enjoyed my share of fine wines, I’m no big fan of chocolate, but this tasty Brown Cow elixir hits me just right. I like it better than many a merlot or cabernet I’ve sampled. Don’t take anyone’s word for it — taste it yourself. What do you have to lose at under $10 a bottle?

  13. My sister-in-law introduced this to me this weekend, and I love it! However, I don’t really consider it wine. It reminds me of Bailey’s. I think it’s unfair to compare How Now Brown Cow to wine and critique it thusly. That would be like saying Bailey’s Irish Cream is really nasty Irish whiskey…they are two very different drinks (and likely with two very different consumers)!

  14. You obviously don’t like baileys or mudslides either, right? To which I can only assume is because you’re evil. I just finished off a bottle of this. Yum.

  15. Good to know that I’m not the only one who LOVES this! This think (<–so intentional) also tastes good with vanilla vodka (I know, but try it) and I'm told over ice cream…which I don't doubt tastes great also!

  16. i loved it,,and I am not a drinker,,someone gave it to me as a gift and I dont known where to buy it,,anyone know,,,,,I live in central florida

  17. I tried for the first time , it took a few sips to get used to it, but, I like it.

  18. You got me curiosity, now I have to try it!

  19. I think you didn’t like it because you were expecting “wine”.

    It should be drunk literally like an alcoholic chocolate milk.
    4 scoops of Vanilla Ice Cream
    ~2 cups of ice cubes
    and half a bottle of How Now Brown Cow

    It makes a very easy and nice dessert drink that you can split between 4 people.

  20. I just tried the chocolate wine today. It is much too thick for me to enjoy as a drink on its own; however, as a coffee creamer…oh my num.

  21. brown cow wine ON CHOCOLATE PUDDING ! Can’t be be bettered! dorit

  22. Love the wine…is it available in Michigan???

  23. one part brown cow, one part whipped vodka, shaken= delish martini

  24. Honestly i don’t like Brown Cow. Seems like they make it with cheap wine. Although I do like Choco Noir Premium chocolate wine. They make it with Pinot Noir red wine. This stuff is awesome !!!! They have a few other flavors that I tried at the wine festivals its sooo addicting

  25. Bought a bottle…for the bottle itself, actually [as a collector of ‘tasteful’ Holsteins]. Shared the bottle with my daughter. We thought the taste was a bit like Bailey’s.

  26. Andrea Campbell

    I had Brown Cow at my mother’s home in Florida. I really didn’t want to try it, but she insisted……and it is ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS!!! I’ve never liked any other chocolate wine I’ve tried, but admittedly, all the rest were chocolate & a red. People here have described the taste as similar to a mudslide, a Black Russian or Bailey’s. I think all those descriptions are apt. Actually, it really doesn’t taste like wine, but who cares?? It’s yummy!!! The only problem is that it seems Total Wine is the only place you can get it. I haven’t been able to find it anywhere in upstate NY. Tragic!!

  27. I have tried a few other chocolate wines, and agree this is the best. I also agree with the comment above,” taste similar to a Mudslide, Black Russian…” Would make an awesome milkshake.

    • I KNOW YOU CAN’T ACCOUNT FOR TASTES BUT i LOVE , LOVE, LOVE IT. don’t laugh but if you’re a MY T FINE chocolate pudding lover , this wine is perfect on top of the pudding

  28. Lol, I can not disagree with this review more! I was just introduced to this stuff (Thank you Total-Wine) And I can’t get enough of it, I’m looking to buy a case! ^_^

  29. You are crazy! I love it, particularly the espresso one. Now I can’t find it because they don’t sell it anymore! Haven’t you ever heard of red wine with dessert our chocolate candy? Same premise! I only wish it would come back. There’s no other chocolate wine that I like!

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